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By Melissa Tennen, HealthAtoZ writer
It's been a bad day. Make that a really bad day. So, what are you going to do? Talk to your spouse about it or retreat to the couch? Well, that depends on your gender. Turns out, women cope with stress differently than men - remarkably so. Researchers even coined a name for it - "tend and befriend" - and it's a very real phenomenon.
When women are stressed, they turn to their friends and family for emotional support. They become nurturers. Let's go back to the fight-or-flight model of stress. When you face an overwhelming pressure, you do one of two things. You either stay and deal with the stress or run from it. It's a carryover from our caveman days when we were faced with an angry bear. Did we fight the beast or run away? Our brains are wired in such a way that today's stressors cause the same response. The body gets into gear by turning on its adrenaline, speeding up the heart and slowing digestion. If you've got a big bear to deal with, you need that quick supply of energy.
When stress looms for a woman, she seeks emotional support in the face of "danger." Researchers say this is also a holdover from our primitive days. If a hungry lion is hovering over a mom, she isn't going to run to protect herself. She has her babies to protect, so she is going to comfort her children. This primitive function in women's brains is still active today. Women do still have the same physical and emotional reaction to stress - that fight-or-flight response.
Females respond to stress by protecting themselves and their young through nurturing behaviors - the "tend" part. They also form alliances with a larger social group, particularly women - the "befriend" part.
Women in today's world don't just take care of children, but they also nurture their mates, their parents and their friends in times of stress.
The theory is in the neuroendocrine system. The pituitary hormone oxytocin, which helps suppress the sympathetic nervous system that keys the body up for fight or flight, is released. The female hormone estrogen heightens oxytocin, which enhances relaxation, reduces fearfulness and decreases stress responses. Another female hormone - estrogen - amplifies the calming effects of oxytocin. This hormonal response in women actually counteracts the body's gearing up for fight or flight - increasing heart rate, higher blood pressure, slower digestion and elevated cortisol (the stress hormone) levels. Men also have this oxytocin hormone, but their hormones, such as androgens, lessen the effects. Men are more likely to fight or flee a stressful situation.
A woman is much more likely to phone her sister when she is in the midst of crisis, such as going through a divorce or having a bad day at the office. Women create alliances with large social groups, providing the framework for their support systems during bad times.
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External Source
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American Psychological Association
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This article was reviewed and updated June 2007.
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