Renew Your Relationship With Your Partner

You may be making promises to yourself to lose weight, eat better or give yourself more TLC - but what about your relationship with your significant other?

Things may seem a little touchy these days - with even the tiniest things you partner does driving you up the wall. Before you think about giving up, though, take advantage of the New Year as a way to make some changes.

Relationships are never easy. Here are some tips for making the New Year brighter with the one you love.

• Listen. No skill is more valuable than knowing how to listen - and to listen without criticism. You'll build trust and confidence in one another if you take the time to talk. It will be more meaningful and more powerful if you give your partner your undivided attention by turning off the TV or computer and making eye contact. These simple acts speak volumes. Listening also gives you a chance to pinpoint what the problem is and how to address it.
• Make it a point to be with your partner more often. Too often, we get caught up in work pressures and raising the kids. It's far too easy to put your relationship with your partner on the back burner. Turning up the heat in your relationship means spending time together. Start by setting aside time - even just a few minutes - to do something for just the two of you. Just spending a few minutes listening to each other works. What matters is that sense of commitment, which says that you care about your partner and makes you feel closer.
• Think about the positive and not always the negative. It's easy to focus on the negative (like your partner leaving dirty underwear on the floor). Think back to when you first started dating. What first attracted you to your mate? Think about those qualities. Teach yourself to counter negative thoughts with positive ones.
• Don't nag. Nagging creates an impression that you don't respect your partner. While that may not be true, it can hurt your relationship. Talk with your partner about how a particular action bothers and affects you. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel" or "I think." This helps your partner understand you better and vice versa without it putting either of you on the defensive.
• Touch more often. Part of being human is having that sense of touch. Our skin is our biggest organ and communicates silently with our minds. Touching shows that you care for each other and makes you feel loved and treasured.

Sources:

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

American Psychological Association

This article was reviewed and updated June 2007.