Father Knows Best: Tips for Being a Better Dad

When you think of how fathers relate to their children, you may picture a middle-aged man yelling "When are you going to mow the lawn?" But a father's relationship with his children begins in infancy. And as baby grows up, being a good dad involves a lot more than making sure the kids do their chores.

Involved fathers can have a very positive influence on their children. They do this by fostering relationships that emphasize caring, confidence and feelings of security. Here are some tips:

• Talk with your children about everything. Take time and listen to their ideas and problems. Start when they are young. Take advantage of times when your kids are most likely to talk.
• Respond in ways your children will hear. Kids will tune out fathers who appear angry or defensive. Express your opinion without putting down theirs.
• Practice positive discipline. Praise good deeds rather than punish a child. Set clear expectations for older children. Provide structure or a routine for younger children to follow; withdrawing attention may help when they behave badly. Remind your children - calmly and fairly - of the rewards and consequences of their actions.
• Be consistent. Rules should be the same at all times, and both parents need to stick by them. Make sure babysitters, relatives and friends follow your rules.
• Be a role model. Teach what is important by showing honesty, humility and responsibility. Girls who spend time with a loving father grow up knowing they deserve respect from boys. Boys who learn to treat all living creatures with respect and dignity may be better able to give women and girls the respect they deserve.
• Show affection daily. Children feel secure when they know they are wanted, accepted and loved. Hug your kids and get comfortable with showing affection.
• Say you're sorry. Every dad does things he later realizes was "bad parenting." Saying "I'm sorry" strengthens your long-term relationship.
• Minimize exposure to violence. Viewing lots of violence can have negative effects on children. Monitor video games and what your children watch on TV and in movies. Help them understand how any violence they're seeing would actually be painful and have serious consequences in real life.
• Make sure your children are supervised. Insist on knowing where your children are and who their friends are. Never leave young children home alone, even for a short time. Encourage school-age kids to participate in supervised after-school activities and community programs.
• Observe how your children relate to others. Watch your kids at play in group activities. Teach them how to respond when others insult, threaten or hit. Explain that these are not correct behaviors. Advise them to stay away from children who behave poorly.
• Teach kids to care. Stress how important it is to behave kindly and responsibly. If your child is doing something that seems thoughtless or cruel, let him know firmly and right away that it is unacceptable. Keep your focus on the act, not on the child.
• Work to avoid patterns of abuse. If you were physically or verbally abused as a child, make sure you don't repeat that pattern. You may need to work out your feelings about the past with a counselor or therapist. Parenting groups, classes and the trusted advice of another father may also be helpful resources.

Through your actions, you can help your children develop good character and healthy habits. Remember, talking to your children is very important, but leading by example will have a more lasting influence.

Related Articles The Joys of Stay-at-Home Fatherhood Top 10 Ways to Show Love for Your Child Helping Kids Say 'No' to Drugs Closing the Book on Homework? Teaching Your Kids That "No" Means "No"

External Sources American Academy of Pediatrics. Is there such a thing as a American Academy of Pediatrics. I did not have a great childhood. How do I make sure my children have a better experience than I did? Accessed January 22, 2008. Coleman WL, Garfield C, American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health. Fathers and pediatricians: Enhancing men's roles in the care and development of their children. Pediatrics. 2004;113(5):1406-1411. National Fatherhood Initiative. 10 Ways to Be a Better Dad. Accessed January 23, 2008. Shaw BA, Krause N, Chatters LM, Connell CM, Ingersoll-Dayton B. Emotional support from parents early in life, aging, and health. Psychology and Aging. 2004;19(1):4-12. American Academy of Family Physicians. Tips for better parenting. Accessed January 23, 2008. Ohene SA, Ireland M, McNeely C, Borowsky IW. Parental expectations, physical punishment, and violence among adolescents who score positive on a psychosocial screening test in primary care. Pediatrics. 2006;117:441-447. American Psychological Association. Raising children to resist violence: What you can do. Accessed January 23, 2008. American Psychological Association. Communication tips for parents. Accessed January 23, 2008. American Psychological Association. What makes kids care? Teaching gentleness in a violent world. Accessed January 23, 2008.

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