Talking to Your Kids 101

Whether they're toddlers or teens, kids can ask tough questions. Unfortunately, you may not always have easy answers. If you want your kids to come to you with questions - and not to less reliable sources - open the lines of communication as early as possible.

Young children

Young children ask millions of questions. Some sensitive issues - for instance, death - may be tough to address. Avoiding a subject to "protect" your child may do more harm than good. If your child feels a topic is so negative that even his parents won't talk about it, he may hold back from expressing his thoughts in the future.

When talking to a young child about a sensitive topic:

• Don't put up barriers to keep her from talking about a certain subject.
• Offer her honest answers.
• Listen to her and accept her feelings.
• Don't tell her she is too young to know about certain things.
• Give simple answers in words she can understand.
• Don't overwhelm her with too much information.
• If you don't know the answer to a question, don't pretend you do. Be honest and say, "I just don't know the answer to that one."

Let your child know you're available

Children of all ages need to know you're there for them. Take note of the times your child is most likely to open up to you about his day. This may happen at bedtime, while you're helping him with homework or during dinner. Start the conversation. Let him know you care about what is going on in his life.

Pay attention

Let your child know you hear her when she talks to you.

• When she voices a concern, stop whatever you're doing and listen.
• Express an interest in what she says.
• Listen to her point of view, even if you disagree.
• Let her finish making her point before you respond.
• Repeat what you heard to make sure you understand what was said.

Think before you answer

Consider how to phrase your response before you speak. It may make the difference between your child listening and tuning you out.

• If you have a strong reaction to what your child tells you, phrase it in a constructive way. Your child may not pay attention to your words if he senses anger.
• Express your opinion without criticizing his. Let him know that it's OK to disagree.
• Don't argue about who is right. Acknowledge that you disagree with each other, then state your opinion.
• Focus on your child's feelings - not your own - during the conversation.

Other tips:

• Find out what your child wants from you during a conversation. Does she need reassurance? Does she want advice? Does she need help solving a problem? Does she just want someone to listen and not respond?
• Talk to your child without lecturing, criticizing, threatening or hurting her feelings.
• Let your child learn from her own choices. If the consequences of an action aren't dangerous, don't interfere.

Parenting is a hard job, but if you listen to your children and talk to them about important issues, you can maintain a healthy bond and a positive connection.

Related Articles Be Your Child's Role Model Helping Kids Cope With Tragedy Keeping Teens out of Trouble Understanding Your Teenager Is TV News Too Much for Kids?

External Sources American Psychological Association. Communication tips for parents. Accessed October 30, 2006. Nemours Foundation. Talking to your child about drugs. Accessed October 30, 2006. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. Good decisions: more than a feeling. Accessed October 30, 2006. HospiceNet.org. Talking to children about death. Accessed October 30, 2006.

This article was reviewed and updated June 2007.

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