End of Life
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Caring for a Dying Loved One: The Final Days

By Diane Griffith, HealthAtoZ writer

Even if you've had months to prepare, it's natural to feel anxious and afraid when someone you love is dying. Will it be painful for your loved one? Will he or she be scared? Will you be able to handle watching your loved one die?

If you're the caregiver, knowing the signs to look for as your loved one enters the final days of life will help prepare you for what's to come.

  • Decreased activity and socializing
    Your loved one will become less active and may not want more than a few visitors at once. He will have trouble talking and will speak less frequently.

  • Restlessness
    She may pull at sheets or kick off covers. She may see people or things that aren't there. Listen to her and don't argue with or contradict her.

  • Less interest in food and water
    Let him eat whatever he wants, but don't force food or fluids. Swallowing will become difficult, so offer him ice chips or Popsicles®. Apply lip balm or Vaseline® to his lips. Although dehydration will begin, rest assured that it is not a painful process.

  • Sleeping
    Your loved one will sleep more often and may be difficult to awaken. Never assume that she can't hear you. Hearing is the last sense she'll lose, so hold her hand and speak softly. Never say anything in front of her that you wouldn't say if she were awake. Play soft music, read to her or hold her hand.

  • Confusion
    Your loved one may become confused. Tell him who is in the room with him and what day or time it is.

  • Incontinence
    As muscles begin to relax, your loved one may lose control of her urine and bowels. Diapers and disposable bed pads can help keep her clean and comfortable.

  • Decreased urination
    Drinking less causes poor kidney circulation. Your loved one will urinate less and his urine will become darker.

  • Change in skin color
    The arms and legs can become cold and turn blue because blood will be circulating mostly to the most vital organs. Keep your loved one warm, but don't use electric blankets.

  • Abnormal breathing patterns
    Your loved one may breathe abnormally fast or more slowly than normal. At times, she may seem to stop breathing. Air passing over her relaxed vocal cords will cause a moaning sound. Although this may sound disturbing, your loved one isn't suffering.

  • Congestion
    As your loved one becomes unable to cough up secretions, you may hear loud gurgling sounds. Lift up the head of the bed to help drain the secretions.

  • Drop in body temperature
    Your loved one's body temperature may drop by a degree or more.

Coma and death
Once your loved one is in a coma, death can occur in minutes or hours. It's important that family members let him know he no longer needs to hold on. Having them say their personal goodbyes will reassure him that it's OK to let go. You will know this has occurred when the heartbeat and breathing cease, the eyes become fixed and the jaw relaxes.

Although your loss will be extremely difficult, you can find comfort in knowing that you provided the very best of care in your loved one's final days.

Related Articles

Depression Among the Elderly

How to Talk About End-of-Life Care

Caring for the Caregiver

If You Are the Caregiver

Doctors, Are You Listening?

When Men Become Caregivers

External Sources

Hospice Foundation of America. End of life info. Accessed April 25, 2007.

National Cancer Institute. End of life care: questions and answers. Accessed April 25, 2007.

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Tue, Dec 2, 2008



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