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All women may experience physiologic and psychological changes in their sex lives during midlife. Menopausal women are especially prone to a loss of sexual desire because of the physiological changes they are experiencing. A survey that explored the problem of the loss of libido in both men and women offers insight and advice.
Consider the following:
- The landmark University of Chicago's Sex in America survey in 1992 concluded that the more sex a person has, the more likely he or she is to have a happy life and a happy relationship. Yet, the survey found that most Americans have sex only once a week, with 35 percent reporting frequencies of just a few times a year. The survey of 3,432 Americans (between 18 and 59 years old) also found that 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men experience sexual problems - with low sexual desire being high on the "troubles" list.
- A Cornell University professor ran tests on 2,500 couples to monitor the levels of so-called "love hormones" in their brains, and found that men and women are biologically programmed to be in love between 18 and 30 months in duration. She suggested that this timeframe is nature's way of encouraging couples to meet, mate and produce offspring, and that once the mission is accomplished, there remains no evolutionary need for all the heavy breathing and fluttering hearts.
- In 1997, Durex, a British-owned condom manufacturer, asked 1,055 American men and women, as part of a worldwide survey, which they would rather choose - sex or an unlimited shopping spree on someone else's gold credit card. Half opted for the free shopping spree.
Of course, only generalizations can be made about the sex lives of millions of Americans from surveys so limited in size. But the chronic loss of libido is hard to dismiss.
Lou Paget, a "sexpert" and author of guides to a great sex life, has interviewed literally thousands of men and women and blames the problem on lack of communication between partners.
"Even though women have less cultural permission to be sexually experienced, they have more cultural permission to talk about it among their friends," Paget said in an interview. When it comes to talking about sex, she says men are generally much more private than women.
Since men and women view life differently, they also view sex differently. Paget sums up:
- Women fall in love between their ears and men through their eyes.
- Men tend to be visual creatures; women are more aural and tactile.
- Women usually know when they are going to have sex, whereas men can be surprised.
- Women usually make up their minds based on how they've been treated. And often the thing that tips the tables isn't anything you are aware of.
"The deepest and most satisfying sex usually comes when two people are open, honest, and respectful in their communication," Paget says. Once that happens, she says, "there are no bounds to the passion, spontaneity, and wonderful soul-merging sex you and your partner can experience."
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External Source
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University of Chicago Sex in American Survey
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This article was reviewed and updated June 2007.
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